Tag: Resilience

How do you want to start your new year, gratitude, or resolution?

Jackie J.BLeave a comment

I am certain your first intention for 2021 is to set some new year’s resolutions and to say, ‘Thank God 2020 is over!’ It certainly has been a year we won’t soon forget.

Ten months ago, the world slowed down, and plans got cancelled. In a matter of days, our lives were put on hold as we went through new challenging times. From being forced to stay home, on furlough or redundancy, to being affected by illness or loss of family members and friends, we have found ourselves many times at breaking points. All those challenges took a lot out of us and made us revise our priorities, forcing us to strike a balance in our lives.

While some people were terrified and emptied the supermarket shelves, I delved into different topics with good intention of avoiding the pandemonium. As it turned out, the pandemic not only helped me to turn my attention to those things I once loved but abandoned due to lack of time and self-doubt, but I also reconnected with the person who was hidden inside me for many years.

New Beginning

At the start of this new year, I have decided to reflect on the months gone by – the challenges I faced and what I have achieved. I have been counselling others for more than 10 years … those who struggle with addiction, depression, abusive relationships, lack of self-love and suicidal thoughts. But until last year, I never applied that advice to myself. I felt I had more to give to others, rather than focusing on myself. I think that is what we call being selfless.

Many times, I have been called ‘super woman’, but only a few people saw how fragile I was inside. I would not have overcome the onslaught of the pandemic, had I not leaned on my family, a few friends, and the selfless online teachers. The techniques I learned, whether it being mindfulness, writing, art, and design, helped strengthen my mental resilience. I overcame anxiety and avoided sinking into depression.

Practising daily meditation and connecting with newfound online friends, helped me to feel more grounded and combat stress. I learned to reassess my health and adopted a new eating regime – no more emotional eating. I designed a new diet following the same approach as Keto and made my own goat’s milk kefir which helped alleviate my IBS symptoms and gave me a healthier skin tone. The difference is astounding. I feel so much better – I am no longer bloated and have a spring in my step.

Onward and Upward

In 2021, I choose happiness and good health. I look for light and hope to rise above all challenges. I think about all the people, present and deceased, who have helped me through the challenging times. Those who have enabled me to keep going when I would otherwise have been at the mercy of negative thoughts. I feel grateful for all those who gave their time free of charge. They have gratified many of us with freebies and we owe them a debt of gratitude.

January is a perfect time for me to look ahead and reflect on what I want. Before, I would regularly binge-read fiction books or watch movie marathons to chill. Now, I have learned the ability to be still. By being quiet, I can easily attain that level of satisfaction. I start my day with 15-30 minutes of meditation – that could be prayer, deep-breathing, or just complete silence. There is no time to feel guilty in giving myself some self-love.

I have learned that there is no need to look back and regret. Change comes from accepting who I am and what I am grateful for. I focus on ‘what I want’ and not on ‘what I don’t want’. I choose to be happy. I can reach out to anyone I have not spoken to, for ages and let them know how much they mean to me.

As I share with you these beautiful words from Pope Francis, I wish you all a healthy and peaceful year.

“Rivers do not drink their own water; trees do not eat their own fruit; the sun does not shine on itself and flowers do not spread their fragrance for themselves. Living for others is a rule of nature. We are all born to help each other. No matter how difficult it is, life is good when you are happy; but much better when others are happy because of you. Let us all remember then that every changing colour of a leaf is beautiful, and every changing situation of life is meaningful, both need very clear vision. So, do not grumble or complain, let us instead remember that Pain is a sign that we are alive. Problems are a sign that we are strong, and Prayer is a sign we are not alone!! If we can acknowledge these truths and condition our hearts and minds, our lives will be more meaningful, different, and worthwhile!!”

How Do You Celebrate When The Magic Is Gone?

Jackie J.B2 Comments

In less than a week we are saying goodbye to 2020. On the stroke of midnight, I will be relieved to see the back of this unfortunate year filled with upheaval and sorrow. For some of us, in the UK, there will be no fireworks, no big celebration. We are in Tier 4 lockdown. Each household will stick to their own bubble, no mixing for fear of catching the virus or, getting a hefty fine from the police.

How do we celebrate when the magic is gone? A few days before December 6th, my family decided that we would not be having our usual celebrations. Even worse, Christmas would be downsized to one single gift per person. I was devastated because I was looking forward to a merry time spent with the whole family. Surely, we cannot cancel Christmas!

“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.” – Emory Austin

December is special for me. Not only it is the month of my birth but, I also celebrate religious feasts weekly – from St. Nicolas on the 6th to the birth of Jesus on the 25th. A long period of excitement, non-stop organising and celebrating. The house would be warm throughout, and a nice aroma of baking would be wafting from the kitchen. Baubles would decorate the Christmas tree and stockings waiting to be filled, would hang by the chimney.

But this year, things have turned out differently. I found myself in a situation that I had no control over. My life has been impacted dramatically since the start of the pandemic. From being in a full-time job to being stuck at home, from being independent to relying on others. I have had to steer through ongoing adversity.

“Like tiny seeds with potent power to push through tough ground and become mighty trees, we hold innate reserves of imaginable strength. We are resilient.” – Catherine DeVrye

At times, I would wake up with a pang of anxiety and feel overwhelmed. I knew if I did not do something about it, I would soon feel worthless and desperate. I needed to manage my emotions and find a day-to-day purpose. By adapting to a new way to thinking, I could function normally. All I had to do was to look for the positive among the negative.

With the help of online communities, I soon learned to be resilient. With their help, I kept going, never gave up. I learned to work at every challenge that came my way, using different strategies that got me through the day. My strength was tested, and I learned the limit I could endure. Through our daily connections, I was able to grow stronger.

“Hang on to your hat. Hang on to your hope. And wind the clock, for tomorrow is another day.” – E.B White

What 2020 taught me is that things can get bad. But what I do with the constraints and stress is what defines who I am. I have stopped assuming and now, I let go of anything that is not within my control. I am grateful for each day where I learn to be stronger and wiser.

I have learned to live on less and give more to others. By minimalizing my expectations, I know where my limit lies. I have the power to be kind to myself and the responsibility to pick myself up when I fall.

As the year ends and I reflect on the past, I am glad that I listened to my heart. I had two choices: let bitter circumstances affect my celebrations or embellish them with love, joy, and happiness. I chose the second. St. Nicholas and Christmas were a success. Bring on 2021!

How I Visioned 2020 And How It Changed Me

Jackie J.BLeave a comment

On the stroke of midnight, as we clinked our champagne glasses, I made a toast to 2020; May it be a year full of promising projects. Excited, I read through my new year resolutions – travelling was on top of the list. The year had started well. Or so I thought. China and COVID-19 were far from my mind and life carried on through its normal course.

“All great changes are preceded by chaos.” – Deepak Chopra

It only took three months before my plans would be compromised. With the lockdown, everything I considered doing, any plans, any projects were put on hold. I postponed all immediate travel plans. It was too early to get upset. I had to find ways how to ride the anxiety and fear that I knew would soon grab hold of me. Would it be better to take on a project that I had put off for years or challenge myself to a brand new one?

When I was at work, feeling tired and unmotivated, I longed to be at home. I longed to be safe in my bubble, away from the frantic activities. But, once the tables had turned, and I was no longer allowed to leave the house and with social distancing, I craved interacting with others. Yes, human beings are ridiculous. We are never satisfied with what we have.

Being unchained, without any guidance, it was hard to keep to routine. I did not like my freedom. I felt lonely while being overwhelmed by the constant presence of family members. Though I took up several projects for the sake of keeping me grounded, I soon found that I was lacking patience. In my job, I need a bucketful of it to deal with clients. Alone, I find it hard to settle on a plan.

“You must be willing to give up what you are, to become what you want to be.” – Orrin Woodward

Being someone who craved human touch, I initially disapproved of the virtual world. But I needed to be part of a community which would be essential for my well-being. So, I decided to take up meditation and mindfulness. Being part of a tribe, each morning acknowledging each other’s weaknesses and strengths, gave me an energy boost for the day. I soon looked forward to the hourly session and forgot about my aversion to Zoom.  The support and reassurance I needed, were aplenty.

When it came to work alone, I found it difficult to be creative when surrounded by worries and doubts. Back in the summer, I set up my easel, eager to create a masterpiece. I assumed I could pick up from my college days … before babies and work/life challenges. I was kidding myself. So, what happened? In my mind I was still the talented artist I once were, but I lacked practice and motivation. The passion formerly there, has now disappeared.

Painting to an artist is as important as breathing, eating, and drinking. Too much of self-criticism stopped me growing. I did not commit or persevere – I was unfocused. Five months later, the canvas is still half painted and will remain such, until inspiration comes back.

Meditation opened my mind and taught me to be more flexible in my way of thinking and acting. My life has been steered in a new direction. I have learned to accept this new challenge and create new habits. Now I give myself time for reflection and simplify my projects.

Change your thinking and it will change your life.

Though I have not been able to get on a plane, I have travelled the world virtually. I now enjoy reaching and engaging with others remotely. I have made new friends via different virtual communities. I am more creative, flexible, and resilient. So, even if you are going through a bumpy ride, by changing your way of thinking, it will in turn change your life.